Tag: Rewards

Then I Told Him That

“All I want to do is help you, and teach you, so you’ll learn the important things about life”.

He understands this.

Why? Because I’ve been saying it since he was an infant.

Over and over and over.

He knows that punishments or consequences are not something a parent wants to do, but something a great parent is obligated to do.

And we both are learning that even though society has long subscribed to “punishment for failure“, we are going to challenge the status quo with “reward for not failing“.

“Nothing you ever do for a child is ever wasted”.

So I Told Him This

“My goal is to help you”.

Had a “deep” conversation with our son (9) last night. He has several chores he’s responsible for. One of them is daily. This is the one that we discussed last night.

We finished our simple dinner from our screened-in back porch. The sun had set and it was dark outside, with only the light from inside the house gently illuminating our peaceful surroundings.

Conditioning led me to first offer a consequence for not doing what he is supposed to do. Then it hit me, what about a reward for doing it, instead of a punishment for not? We agreed to use both.

Generally, children are conditioned to think, “when you don’t do something you get in trouble”. I reminded him that the goal isn’t to catch him doing it wrong. The goal is grand and noble. And the goal is deceptively simple.

“My goal is to help you”.